Hospital Happenings Aficionado Gifts

'I'm going to administer the anaesthetic.' - 'Okay.' - 'You might feel a little prick in your hand...' - '...as the bishop said to the-' - 'Men are less irritating under anaesthetic.' - 'Zzz...'

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

Being Serenading in Casualty

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

'How about a little smile for me. You've outlived my prediction!'

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

'Your doing GREAT! Tomorrow you should be able to eat hospital food!'

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

"I got my PhD in Nursing just so people would have to call me Doctor."

"Sorry, new style pain killer. It's the cut-backs I'm afraid."

Big slipper.

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

"His wife and family will decide on the course of treatment, but, as his ex, feel free to open up a few old wounds."

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

"We're a bit understaffed today, could you be 6 people?"

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

"What should we do with this extra part?"

'Perhaps I was a bit too graphic in describing the surgical procedure.'

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

Scared husband needs to have scans done in children's exam room.

'You're either getting smaller or they're giving you bigger pillows.'