Hospital Gossip Enthusiast Gifts

"My lousy ex is in hospital with concussion again..."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

Dracula in a Vampire Hospital getting some extra blood from a Human blood drip

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

"Since he was born today he won't begin daycare until tomorrow."

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

'How about a little smile for me. You've outlived my prediction!'

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

'Your doing GREAT! Tomorrow you should be able to eat hospital food!'

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

'And then, just to humor the guy I said 'I need a hug', little thinking that the big gorilla would do just that.'

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

'Yeah, bit how does the stork get into the maternity room?'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

'It's your four basic food groups.'

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

"I got my PhD in Nursing just so people would have to call me Doctor."

Footballer with a broken leg and a ball in his cast.

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

"Sorry, new style pain killer. It's the cut-backs I'm afraid."

Big slipper.