Hospital Life Tales Gifts

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

'What's holding him up?'

'I do need your bed, Mr. Davies, for me, I'm shattered after working twenty-six hours non stop.'

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

Being Serenading in Casualty

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

"The doctor was more lucid today! That's a good sign!"

'Your doing GREAT! Tomorrow you should be able to eat hospital food!'

'It's your four basic food groups.'

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

'You'll be awake during the entire procedure...but no peeking!'

'Urology...can you hold?'

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

"According to the chart you've either stabilised or flatlined."

We charge $500 for every nook and $1,200 for every cranny during diagnosis.

'I'm afraid we don't deliver on Sundays.'

"The doctor will now glance in passing at you."

'Thanks for inviting me to dinner - it's really great!'

'Doctor, the patient would like to know when he can return to being an overbearing, stressed-out pig?'

"No wonder I'm getting feedback!"

Express Line, 10 Symptoms or Less.

'I've had so many transplants, I feel like a garden nursery.'

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

Cleaner with nameplate next to Consultant Surgeon's desk.

"Don't distress yourself, when I said he was on our critical list, I just meant that he's been critical about the food, the staff, and everything else!"