Hospital Experiences Gifts

'I told you we should have packed a lunch.'

"I checked in with a broken hip...the food poisoning came later."

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

"There's a reason, Jim, that they call it 'cow tipping' and not 'bull tipping.'"

Man in hospital receiving the best food and wine

Steve used to worry about dirty underwear. Now he has a new hospital fear.

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

No caption. (Man wearing a cast is in traction. He imagines sheep lining up to jump fence. Sheep also wear casts.)

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

'I do need your bed, Mr. Davies, for me, I'm shattered after working twenty-six hours non stop.'

'What's holding him up?'

"Hey, I got you a beautiful orchid to cheer you up until it turns into just a stick protruding from dirt."

Being Serenading in Casualty

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

"The doctor was more lucid today! That's a good sign!"

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

'Your doing GREAT! Tomorrow you should be able to eat hospital food!'

'It's your four basic food groups.'

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

'You'll be awake during the entire procedure...but no peeking!'

'Urology...can you hold?'

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

'I'm afraid we don't deliver on Sundays.'

'Thanks for inviting me to dinner - it's really great!'

We charge $500 for every nook and $1,200 for every cranny during diagnosis.

'Last year's 'Bring your pet to work day' turned out very well.'