Hospital Experience Sharer Gifts

Rollerskating Injury

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'Your doing GREAT! Tomorrow you should be able to eat hospital food!'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

"Trust me, you don't want this job."

We charge $500 for every nook and $1,200 for every cranny during diagnosis.

'You're either getting smaller or they're giving you bigger pillows.'

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

'We've been told to get families more involved in patient care, he'll need a bath and lunch in about 30 minutes.'

'I'm sorry, but I can't tell you which room the star basketball player is recovering in.'

Hospital Visit

'I told you we should have packed a lunch.'

'Only one side effect - colossal pain...'

'There's been a little mixup, Mr. Root. The computer has the virus not you.'

"It's not for soaking your feet. . . it's a bed pan."

'What do you mean, I get a reprieve from my wife's cooking? My wife is a cook here at the hospital.'

'Let's order one more MRI, just to play it safe.'

'It's going to take me ten hours to read your care instructions and your insurance only covers an hour of care.'

"I have the results of your PET scan and your CT scan. You are not claustrophobic."

'The good news is the diseases you've mangaed to avoid far outnumber the diseases you've got.'

"Actually, what doesn't kill you just raises the cost of everyone's insurance"

'Lunch!'

Types of online-ing

"Don't worry it's only natural to be a little nervous before a big operation."

'I'm going to administer the anaesthetic.' - 'Okay.' - 'You might feel a little prick in your hand...' - '...as the bishop said to the-' - 'Men are less irritating under anaesthetic.' - 'Zzz...'

'Well, a quick yank didn't work, either. Let's get you some lower tack bandages.'

"I checked in with a broken hip...the food poisoning came later."

'My husband was recently admitted. Can you direct me to the hypochondria department?'

Boy tricking the nurse

'I hope you find something that's worth complaining to my friends about.'

Unsuitable hospital reading material.