Hospital Experience Gifts

'You're either getting smaller or they're giving you bigger pillows.'

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

No caption. (Man wearing a cast is in traction. He imagines sheep lining up to jump fence. Sheep also wear casts.)

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

'I do need your bed, Mr. Davies, for me, I'm shattered after working twenty-six hours non stop.'

'What's holding him up?'

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

Being Serenading in Casualty

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

"The doctor was more lucid today! That's a good sign!"

'Your doing GREAT! Tomorrow you should be able to eat hospital food!'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

'It's your four basic food groups.'

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

"Dr. Eliot, would you let the dog out?"

'You'll be awake during the entire procedure...but no peeking!'

'Urology...can you hold?'

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

'Thanks for inviting me to dinner - it's really great!'

We charge $500 for every nook and $1,200 for every cranny during diagnosis.

'And Remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'Last year's 'Bring your pet to work day' turned out very well.'

'I'm afraid we don't deliver on Sundays.'

"Don't distress yourself, when I said he was on our critical list, I just meant that he's been critical about the food, the staff, and everything else!"

"No wonder I'm getting feedback!"

'Doctor, the patient would like to know when he can return to being an overbearing, stressed-out pig?'