Hospital Experience Pillows

'You're either getting smaller or they're giving you bigger pillows.'

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

'What's holding him up?'

'I do need your bed, Mr. Davies, for me, I'm shattered after working twenty-six hours non stop.'

Being Serenading in Casualty

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

"The doctor was more lucid today! That's a good sign!"

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

'Your doing GREAT! Tomorrow you should be able to eat hospital food!'

'It's your four basic food groups.'

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

"Dr. Eliot, would you let the dog out?"

'You'll be awake during the entire procedure...but no peeking!'

'Urology...can you hold?'

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

'And Remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'Last year's 'Bring your pet to work day' turned out very well.'

'I'm afraid we don't deliver on Sundays.'

We charge $500 for every nook and $1,200 for every cranny during diagnosis.

'Thanks for inviting me to dinner - it's really great!'

Express Line, 10 Symptoms or Less.

'I've had so many transplants, I feel like a garden nursery.'

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

Cleaner with nameplate next to Consultant Surgeon's desk.