Hospital Experience Survivor Pillows

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

Being Serenading in Casualty

'Time for your pills.'

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

'Your doing GREAT! Tomorrow you should be able to eat hospital food!'

"I'll have someone come in and prep you for the bill."

'You have an 85% chance of surviving this and 20% chance of wishing you hadn't.'

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

'What's the diagnosis?' - '*Cough*' - 'It's not good, I'm afraid.' - 'Tell me. I have to know.' - 'You have man flu, Peel.' - 'Why, God? Why?!!' - 'I'm so sorry.' -

"It wasn't a carcinoma at all- it was just an itty-bitty attorney."

"Please fill out these forms. We don't need them for anything, but you're making me nervous staring at your watch."

'You're either getting smaller or they're giving you bigger pillows.'

"I'm going to have to make this quick, God. I just ask that you watch over me during my double knee replacement tomorrow."

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

"Your condition appears to have deteriorated considerably since your last cheque bounced."

"Actually, I didn't become dizzy and nauseous until I started inhaling the scent strips in the waiting room magazines."

'I told you we should have packed a lunch.'

'There's been a little mixup, Mr. Root. The computer has the virus not you.'

'His mother wants to know if you'll give him a haircut after you remove his tonsils.'

"It's not for soaking your feet. . . it's a bed pan."

'The hospital food was terrible, but the savings were substantial.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. The anesthesiologist is on vacation."

'Let's order one more MRI, just to play it safe.'

"Hey, I'm just happy the transplant worked at all."

'Gee!'

'...Or, in layman's terms, Ay caramba!'

"I imagine it takes a while to get turned around after spending a month in the hospital."

'Lunch!'