Hospital Adventures Pillows

We charge $500 for every nook and $1,200 for every cranny during diagnosis.

'The good news is the diseases you've mangaed to avoid far outnumber the diseases you've got.'

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

Being Serenading in Casualty

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

'Your doing GREAT! Tomorrow you should be able to eat hospital food!'

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

"His wife and family will decide on the course of treatment, but, as his ex, feel free to open up a few old wounds."

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

"Sorry, new style pain killer. It's the cut-backs I'm afraid."

Big slipper.

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

"Whoops..."

"We're a bit understaffed today, could you be 6 people?"

"What should we do with this extra part?"

'Perhaps I was a bit too graphic in describing the surgical procedure.'

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

Scared husband needs to have scans done in children's exam room.

"The doctor will now glance in passing at you."

'Get this, Dr. Melroy just asked my opinion.'