Hospital Life Tales T-Shirts

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

No caption. (Man wearing a cast is in traction. He imagines sheep lining up to jump fence. Sheep also wear casts.)

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

'I do need your bed, Mr. Davies, for me, I'm shattered after working twenty-six hours non stop.'

'What's holding him up?'

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

Being Serenading in Casualty

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

"The doctor was more lucid today! That's a good sign!"

'Your doing GREAT! Tomorrow you should be able to eat hospital food!'

'It's your four basic food groups.'

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

'You'll be awake during the entire procedure...but no peeking!'

'Urology...can you hold?'

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

"The doctor will now glance in passing at you."

We charge $500 for every nook and $1,200 for every cranny during diagnosis.

'I'm afraid we don't deliver on Sundays.'

'Thanks for inviting me to dinner - it's really great!'

"According to the chart you've either stabilised or flatlined."

'Doctor, the patient would like to know when he can return to being an overbearing, stressed-out pig?'

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

"No wonder I'm getting feedback!"

"Don't distress yourself, when I said he was on our critical list, I just meant that he's been critical about the food, the staff, and everything else!"

'I've had so many transplants, I feel like a garden nursery.'

Express Line, 10 Symptoms or Less.