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'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

Dracula in a Vampire Hospital getting some extra blood from a Human blood drip

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

'I thought my appointment was for a TB screening.'

"BBC One’s Casualty has reached its 1000th episode. The long-running hospital drama is apparently very popular with viewers... But even more popular among jobbing actors."

'And then, just to humor the guy I said 'I need a hug', little thinking that the big gorilla would do just that.'

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

'It's your four basic food groups.'

'Is that guy back again? Hey, if you find that sponge I lost, give a shout.'

Footballer with a broken leg and a ball in his cast.

'If it don't hurt, don't mess with it!'

Doctor has the taste for patients urine samples.

'Where does it hurt?'

'I'll give it back to you in a second hon, I just want to get this broccoli out of my teeth.'

'I'm afraid we've removed your wooden leg by mistake.'

"The doctor will now glance in passing at you."

'On second thought, you can go home anytime you want, big fella.'

"I have some troubling news, Mr. Smithson. You're in my parking space."

"All of my visitors have to wear that get up. Apparently my humour is very infectious."

Quick! 5-second rule!

Mort, the doctor says you can't get too riled up. It's bad for your heart. Yes, dear. You're not a young man anymore. You're not in tip-top shape. You don't eat well. You're not so muscular. I'm not a fan of your haircut. Nurse!

'Apart from the pain I can't get my hat off.'

'The doctor is putting you on solids.'

Hospital porter leaving brain behind

'Hey, Lori! Take a look at Mr. Geckler's EKG!'

'My patient needs a new kidney. Make any grave mistakes today?'

Surgery Instruction Book.

'You sounded better yesterday.'

'The good news is, we were able to save your leg'.

Patient after an appendix operation

"I assure you I do appreciate what you're feeling."

'Don't get any ideas, mister -- I recognize that look in your eye!'

"There was a system failure that caused a brief crash, but fortunately I was able to reboot."

A patient, a doctor and a deep sea diver