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'Great performance. He was going for a triple bypass, and he did a quadruple.'

The Left One As You Look At It.

"Trust me I'm a Doctor."

Patient after an appendix operation

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

Dancing Doctor

Dracula in a Vampire Hospital getting some extra blood from a Human blood drip

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

Corona Funeral

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

'What's holding him up?'

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

"...we have a heart-lung-kidney-liver-spleen machine."

'The doctor will be with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'

'I thought my appointment was for a TB screening.'

"It appears your anus transplant has rejected you..."

"I'm sure he'll pull through. He's always been a real fighter."

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

'And then, just to humor the guy I said 'I need a hug', little thinking that the big gorilla would do just that.'

"Darn it, lost another swab."

Medical Examinations.

'It's your four basic food groups.'

"Which one goes down his bronchial tract and which one goes up his arse?"

'...but besides this, how are you doing?'

"Dr. Eliot, would you let the dog out?"

'Very funny!'

Footballer with a broken leg and a ball in his cast.