Health Care Aficionado Gifts

'So - what does it sound like to you?'

'You've got a buildup of creosote. It's no wonder: You smoked like a chimney.'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

Be Healthy

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"When I grow up, I want to go into medicine and help people who can pay out of pocket."

Coming Soon - Maternity Clinic. Coming Soon After - Law Firm Dealing in Medical Malpractice.

'What's wrong with me, Doctor?' 'I have no idea! That information comes within doctor-patient confidentiality.'

'I asked if you were affiliated with an HMO not a UFO.'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

"You only need one prescription. The other 7 are for the side effects."

'Fitness guru.'

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

Traditional vs alternative medicine.

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

"So you're interested in medicine, public relations, business, contract negotiations and insurance law? Which one will you study in school?"

'Wendy! I'm glad you came over! I want you to see my baby's ultrasound hologram!'

Dr Ed Henderson demonstrates that it IS possible for someone to become too familiar with the safety rules.

"I hear he's taking an experimental drug called, 'It Ain't Over Till It's Over.'"

Get well soon!

"Sometimes it helps to turn a question around. Why not you?"

Healthy Patients Only

'It's a nicotine patch...I've been smoking too much.'

'Another day. . . another half dozen medical breakthroughs for us to comprehend. . .'

'I cause sneezes.' 'I cause fever' 'I cause that 'I don't know- I just don't feel too good' feeling.'

What will the little one be? Epidemiologist? Virologist? PPE manufacturer?

Medical Examinations.

"My approach is nontraditional, but from a uniquely Western perspective."

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of insurance forms.

"Hey, this anti-depressant you've come up with really works"

Health Nut with a 60-Pack

"We're going to run some tests: bloodwork, a cat-scan and the S.A.T.'s."

'Hey, this guy's been operated on before!'

"You call all this a side effect?"

'It's an emergency, Doctor. The vitamin company needs an endorsement.'