Hospital Havers Gifts

"Have you considered spinal fusion?"

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"Yeah, I know. bu tthe administration didn't want to appear culturally insensitive."

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

Shirley Temple...The later years.. - 'Animal crackers in my poop...'

'If you could roll up your sleeves, go behind the screen and plaster the wall.'

"Okay, I've got lousy bedside manner, but I draw a smiley faces on all your prescriptions."

Push, push, push...

'It's the only way he'll take his medicine.'

Newspaper reads: 'Doctors not giving adequate info to patients'. Doctor asking patient, "Say eh??"

"Don't just stand there gawping women! Give me a hand with my monthly salary!"

'I'm sorry, but I can't tell you which room the star basketball player is recovering in.'

'We've been told to get families more involved in patient care, he'll need a bath and lunch in about 30 minutes.'

'Which arrow points to my office?'

The Children's Hospital

'You're free to get a second opinion, but it looks like something's wrong with that green thingie by your liver.'

"No response doctor! The patient is sedated!"

"When you awake you will feel fine, you will have no pain, and... Oh, what the hell... you will cluck like a chicken for ten seconds."

Hospital Visit

"It make syou kind of proud to be helping to build this giant new hospital doesn't it!!"

Bob's Heart Valves 'N' Stuff (store is open)

Elderly lady about elderly man: 'We met in ICU. We had a rheumatic encounter.'

'My patients are picking up so much medical knowledge through the media that I feel more like their consultant than their doctor.'

'Heroic stoicism has its rewards.'

'There's been a little mixup, Mr. Root. The computer has the virus not you.'

'These are from my attorneys for malpractice suit.'

"Ok, first off... ever have one of those days when you just can't seem to do anything right?"

"These NHS types are ALWAYS complaining about SOMETHING!"

Is there any history of not paying medical bills in your family? M.D.

Surgery / Canteen - The perplexities of priorites.

'You want a second opinion? -- Oh, a big shot, eh?'

Neuro Surgery. Staff only. Sorry, that took longer than I expected --- He has a lot of nerve!

"No, not 'delighted', the midwife is asking how 'dilated' you are!"