Hospital Hanger-on Gifts

Neuro Surgery. Staff only. Sorry, that took longer than I expected --- He has a lot of nerve!

"Okay, I've got lousy bedside manner, but I draw a smiley faces on all your prescriptions."

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

Shirley Temple...The later years.. - 'Animal crackers in my poop...'

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

Newspaper reads: 'Doctors not giving adequate info to patients'. Doctor asking patient, "Say eh??"

"Good?"

"I might be a one armed podiatrist... but if you lend me a hand... I'll fix your foot."

'You're free to get a second opinion, but it looks like something's wrong with that green thingie by your liver.'

"No response doctor! The patient is sedated!"

'I can't turn it off.'

"I'm Dr. Fenton. I'll be performing your microsurgery today."

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

'Congratulations, its a six pound biker.'

Bob's Heart Valves 'N' Stuff (store is open)

'My patients are picking up so much medical knowledge through the media that I feel more like their consultant than their doctor.'

"We must be in the wrong wing."

'Where did you say the new anaesthetist trained?'

Is there any history of not paying medical bills in your family? M.D.

"I'm sending you to someone who's less squeamish."

'The Doctor just finished his rounds. I better go soothe the patient's psyches.'

'Well, seeing as how you're my wife and all, I'll try to fit you in next Thursday at 3:15.'

'I'll have to reschedule your appointment -- the doctor had an attack of squeamishness.'

"Is she critical?"

"He did it again. Slipped out and replaced himself with a bunch of lumpy pillows."

Doctor with 'Out patient' clip board being sped up by 'Competition', 'Technology' and 'DRG's'

'Young man, haven't you ever heard of the hippocratic oath?'

Medical mishap.

"Have you considered spinal fusion?"

"It wouldn't kill you to pay your bill."

Alexander Borodin.

Injured man sees that he is being taken to the 'No Biggie Room', as opposed to the 'Emergency Room.

When I said to show me where it hurts.. it's ok to just point.

'When I asked if she was critical I didn't mean verbally!'

To his dismay, Vern's entire surgical team passes out at the sight of blood,