Hospital Hoppers Gifts

Doctor with 'Out patient' clip board being sped up by 'Competition', 'Technology' and 'DRG's'

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"Yeah, I know. bu tthe administration didn't want to appear culturally insensitive."

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

"Can we get some more bread sticks over here?"

"Well, what's your recommendation?"

"We're here, Harry."

"Okay, I've got lousy bedside manner, but I draw a smiley faces on all your prescriptions."

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

Push, push, push...

'It's the only way he'll take his medicine.'

Newspaper reads: 'Doctors not giving adequate info to patients'. Doctor asking patient, "Say eh??"

"Ok, let's go over this one more time, 'The Leg Bone's Connected To The. . .'"

The Children's Hospital

"Don't just stand there gawping women! Give me a hand with my monthly salary!"

"No response doctor! The patient is sedated!"

"Hmmm ... either my steak knife is broken, or you cooked the heck out of this fillet."

You are not here.

'You're free to get a second opinion, but it looks like something's wrong with that green thingie by your liver.'

"My name is Proust. I've forgotten my room number."

Bob's Heart Valves 'N' Stuff (store is open)

'My patients are picking up so much medical knowledge through the media that I feel more like their consultant than their doctor.'

'Heroic stoicism has its rewards.'

'Hold it, you can cancel that STAT call.'

"It has a cream base because we hate you."

"My god, those capers are huge!"

Neuro Surgery. Staff only. Sorry, that took longer than I expected --- He has a lot of nerve!

For a few dollars more, we can get a suite. Spaghetti Westin.

Is there any history of not paying medical bills in your family? M.D.

'These are from my attorneys for malpractice suit.'

"These NHS types are ALWAYS complaining about SOMETHING!"

"No, not 'delighted', the midwife is asking how 'dilated' you are!"