Hospital Hopper Gifts

Bob's Heart Valves 'N' Stuff (store is open)

'My patients are picking up so much medical knowledge through the media that I feel more like their consultant than their doctor.'

"It wouldn't kill you to pay your bill."

Is there any history of not paying medical bills in your family? M.D.

Newspaper reads: 'Doctors not giving adequate info to patients'. Doctor asking patient, "Say eh??"

'You're free to get a second opinion, but it looks like something's wrong with that green thingie by your liver.'

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

"No response doctor! The patient is sedated!"

'It's nothing serious. Rest is the best cure for binge shopping.'

"We're here to experience pleasure."

"You sure you guys don't spike the coffee?"

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

1930's Lady.

"The mint on the pillow was nice, but I'd prefer a chocolate fudge brownie."

"Can we get some more bread sticks over here?"

Hotel with sign 'Home sweet temporary home'

"If you are a Democrat, Mrs. Hooper-Smith does the Macarena during your pancakes."

'Gasview Hotel' - 'Dinerview Gas' - 'Motelview Diner' - 'Hiwayview Suites'

'Hello room service - can you come and tuck me in and read me a story please'

"Okay, I've got lousy bedside manner, but I draw a smiley faces on all your prescriptions."

"We are now boarding priority travellers. Please be ready to present an air of entitlement."

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"Well, what's your recommendation?"

Warhol Exhibit

Daily Grind Coffee Cup

My broker went to Antigua ... I had to settle for Coney Island.

'My parents couldn't afford to send me to college, so they let me spend a night at a Ramada.'

'Oh, the amenity!'

Articulated taxicab serving two hotels.

"Ok, let's go over this one more time, 'The Leg Bone's Connected To The. . .'"

'Hello, front desk. This is the alien spacecraft suite. My wife and I are hearing strange noises.'

"That's not a Tracey Emin - that is Tracey Emin."

Excess Baggage: For many of us 'Roughing it' means staying at a hotel without room service.

'A room with double beds, please.'

"Hmmm ... either my steak knife is broken, or you cooked the heck out of this fillet."