Hospital Wing Wanderer Gifts

"We must be in the wrong wing."

Providing Healthcare For All

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

Hospital Departments

Shirley Temple...The later years.. - 'Animal crackers in my poop...'

'If it don't hurt, don't mess with it!'

"Cardiac day patients?"

'We've been told to get families more involved in patient care, he'll need a bath and lunch in about 30 minutes.'

'Which arrow points to my office?'

'I'm sorry, but I can't tell you which room the star basketball player is recovering in.'

"I might be a one armed podiatrist... but if you lend me a hand... I'll fix your foot."

'For god's sake Walters, wait until the patient is fully anesthetized before going through his wallet.'

Hospital Visit

'We abide by HIPAA laws to protect your privacy.'

Elderly lady about elderly man: 'We met in ICU. We had a rheumatic encounter.'

"Next time you want me to swallow a camera, just wrap it in bacon!"

'I have to disappoint you Mrs Robinson, today is not Halloween.'

"I'm sending you to someone who's less squeamish."

"Any chance that was you who just screamed in excruciating pain?"

'Ok, Ms. Feldman, it says on your chart that you were discharged yesterday.'

Medical floor directory follows body parts.

'It's going to take me ten hours to read your care instructions and your insurance only covers an hour of care.'

'I'm sorry to tell that your husband's coverage has expired.'

'The Doctor just finished his rounds. I better go soothe the patient's psyches.'

"So far, decliners outnumber advancers nine to seven."

"Is she critical?"

"Actually, what doesn't kill you just raises the cost of everyone's insurance"

Patient walking out of hospital.

'His insurance company said it does not cover self-inflicted accidents.'

'For an extra $25 we can set the surgical lamps on tanning mode.'

'I could kiss it and make it better, but it's not covered by your insurance.'

Medical mishap.

'Nurse, I asked you to cheer up the ward.'

Boy tricking the nurse

Unsuitable hospital reading material.