Hospital Warrior Gifts

"We are a bit understaffed today, could you be 6 people?"

'I could kiss it and make it better, but it's not covered by your insurance.'

"Next time you want me to swallow a camera, just wrap it in bacon!"

'I've waited so long that my body went into over-drive and healed itself!'

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

Dancing Doctor

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

The Cougher

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

Exercising

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

'What's holding him up?'

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

'Time for your pills.'

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

"...we have a heart-lung-kidney-liver-spleen machine."

'The doctor will be with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'

"I'm sure he'll pull through. He's always been a real fighter."

"It appears your anus transplant has rejected you..."

Medical Examinations.

"Which one goes down his bronchial tract and which one goes up his arse?"

'...but besides this, how are you doing?'

'Very funny!'

"Dr. Eliot, would you let the dog out?"

"You call all this a side effect?"

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

"First, do no harm. After that, go nuts."

Surgery has sign on wall saying 'To Err is Human.'

"They also left a pamphlet on the benefits of breast feeding."

'We're trying to use a team approach to medicine, but we're having trouble fitting everyone!'

'I would have come to you sooner, but you hadn't graduated from medical school yet.'

Doctor who is a clown holding a syringe.

Hell's Angels