Hospital Dweller Gifts

'We're running a bit behind, so I'm going to take whichever of you screams in agony the loudest.'

'I have to disappoint you Mrs Robinson, today is not Halloween.'

'I'm sorry to tell that your husband's coverage has expired.'

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

The cell phone soother for life.

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

Ancient Landmarks of New York City

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"The woman on the fire escape who acted like it was a balcony"

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'Will you please stop feeding the pigeons?!'

Apart from protest footage I forget what downtown looks like.

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

Lift buttons read: East Side/West Side/All Around the Town.

If these are your medications, what happened to the beads I bought?

Balloon drip.

"Excuse me ma'am, may I help you cross the road so that I can get the answer to this dumb joke my friend keeps telling?"

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

No caption. (Man wearing a cast is in traction. He imagines sheep lining up to jump fence. Sheep also wear casts.)

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"