Hospital Dweller T-Shirts

'I have to disappoint you Mrs Robinson, today is not Halloween.'

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

The cell phone soother for life.

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

Ancient Landmarks of New York City

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"The woman on the fire escape who acted like it was a balcony"

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

'Will you please stop feeding the pigeons?!'

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

Apart from protest footage I forget what downtown looks like.

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

Lift buttons read: East Side/West Side/All Around the Town.

"Excuse me ma'am, may I help you cross the road so that I can get the answer to this dumb joke my friend keeps telling?"

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

Balloon drip.

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

If these are your medications, what happened to the beads I bought?

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

Saline Drip Sommelier.

'Very funny!'