Hospital Goer T-Shirts

"Is she critical?"

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

Dancing Doctor

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

Barbeque Casualty.

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

"We need to update your entire operating system."

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

'What's holding him up?'

'Time for your pills.'

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"We'll get there when we get there!"

Being Serenading in Casualty

A Hypochondriac's Worst Nightmare

"Hey, I got you a beautiful orchid to cheer you up until it turns into just a stick protruding from dirt."

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

"...we have a heart-lung-kidney-liver-spleen machine."

'The doctor will be with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

'Your doing GREAT! Tomorrow you should be able to eat hospital food!'

"Your driver will arrive in 4...9...17 minutes after three accidental loops around the airport."

"It appears your anus transplant has rejected you..."

"I'm sure he'll pull through. He's always been a real fighter."

Hospital Departments

Medical Examinations.

"Which one goes down his bronchial tract and which one goes up his arse?"

Hospital.

'...but besides this, how are you doing?'

'Very funny!'

"Dr. Eliot, would you let the dog out?"