Hospital Adventurer Gifts

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

'Your doing GREAT! Tomorrow you should be able to eat hospital food!'

"Dr. Eliot, would you let the dog out?"

"What should we do with this extra part?"

Kid in hospital has I.V. in him that is a straw.

We charge $500 for every nook and $1,200 for every cranny during diagnosis.

'Admit it,you've been bothering the nurses again,haven't you?

"Well the good news is that everything was supposed to be bad for you is actually good, but the bad news is that everything that you thought was good for you is actually bad."

Exploring Healthcare Careers

Clinical Trails. . . Prevention . . . Detection. . . Diagnosis. . . Treatment.

'I'm sorry, but I can't tell you which room the star basketball player is recovering in.'

'Which arrow points to my office?'

'We've been told to get families more involved in patient care, he'll need a bath and lunch in about 30 minutes.'

Hospital Visit

Elderly lady about elderly man: 'We met in ICU. We had a rheumatic encounter.'

"Next time you want me to swallow a camera, just wrap it in bacon!"

'There's been a little mixup, Mr. Root. The computer has the virus not you.'

"We saw the Great Wall and lots of pagodas, and I have a transplanted stomach."

"It's not for soaking your feet. . . it's a bed pan."

I suppose this probably counts as an adverse event.

'Let's order one more MRI, just to play it safe.'

Medical floor directory follows body parts.

'Actually, it's a quite routine operation -- would you like to make it more interesting?'

'Nothing to be alarmed about Mrs.Harvey, kids do this sort of things all the time. I'm sure whatever your Jimmy's gotten lodged up there, we can get it out.'

'It's going to take me ten hours to read your care instructions and your insurance only covers an hour of care.'

'I'm afraid neither your insurance nor your immune system will cover it.'

"One minute I was CEO the next I'm the gallbladder in room 405."

'The good news is the diseases you've mangaed to avoid far outnumber the diseases you've got.'

'This alternative doctor of yours better be good!'

"Actually, what doesn't kill you just raises the cost of everyone's insurance"

'Lunch!'