Hospital Hangout Gifts

'You want a second opinion? OK, I'll tell you again!'

"Ugh, we get it - you're in love."

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

'John, I have to get going. Here's my views on politics, sports, and automobiles in case some of the boys come in later.'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

'Yeah, bit how does the stork get into the maternity room?'

'He's at a very impressionable age.'

"Okay, I've got lousy bedside manner, but I draw a smiley faces on all your prescriptions."

If you're looking for a good time, you'll find it; if you can't find it, it will find you....

"Since Dr Mullin's ill, a temp from Manpower will perform your liver transplant."

Hell's Angels

We charge $500 for every nook and $1,200 for every cranny during diagnosis.

'At least hanging around street corners reminds us we're at a crossroads in our lives.'

"Well, at least I'm embracing my feminine side!"

'We've been told to get families more involved in patient care, he'll need a bath and lunch in about 30 minutes.'

"It's a very senior moment—he's dead."

"Well, sometimes I'll just hang around and do nothing. Oh wait, that's all the time."

Hospital Cleaning.

'If you don't like fathers in the delivery room, where will you be?'

Urban Life.

"When you awake you will feel fine, you will have no pain, and... Oh, what the hell... you will cluck like a chicken for ten seconds."

Hospital Visit

'Morale soared when we installed the Nurf Basketball.'

'I like your spirit - nine out of ten people would admit roller-disco wasn't for them!'

"I would not recommend you bypass heart surgery."

Minor Surgery

"I understand you were involved in a golf mishap this morning!"

Neuro Surgery. Staff only. Sorry, that took longer than I expected --- He has a lot of nerve!

'The road I tried to cross was the freeway.'

'We've been keeping him alive by telling him the market is up.'

'I hear you're not quite happy with your face lift Mr.Jones.'

"There was nothing you could do. It's not your fault if the patient doesn't show for the operation!"

"No He didn't just fall asleep. He's COMA TOES."

'It's going to take me ten hours to read your care instructions and your insurance only covers an hour of care.'

HOSPITAL ADMISSIONS, 'For your hospital gown, do you prefer paper or plastic'