Hospital Rounder Gifts

"I might be a one armed podiatrist... but if you lend me a hand... I'll fix your foot."

"Yeah, I know. bu tthe administration didn't want to appear culturally insensitive."

'We tend to favour more traditional anaesthetic techniques here.'

'Very funny!'

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

Hospital Departments

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

Shirley Temple...The later years.. - 'Animal crackers in my poop...'

'Hey, this guy's been operated on before!'

"Okay, I've got lousy bedside manner, but I draw a smiley faces on all your prescriptions."

'Two Aspirins'...'Brain Tumor'

Push, push, push...

Newspaper reads: 'Doctors not giving adequate info to patients'. Doctor asking patient, "Say eh??"

"Cardiac day patients?"

'Which arrow points to my office?'

"Don't just stand there gawping women! Give me a hand with my monthly salary!"

'We've been told to get families more involved in patient care, he'll need a bath and lunch in about 30 minutes.'

'You're free to get a second opinion, but it looks like something's wrong with that green thingie by your liver.'

C'mon, Randall, cheer up....everybody dies.

Hospital Visit

"No response doctor! The patient is sedated!"

Bob's Heart Valves 'N' Stuff (store is open)

'My patients are picking up so much medical knowledge through the media that I feel more like their consultant than their doctor.'

"Next time you want me to swallow a camera, just wrap it in bacon!"

Is there any history of not paying medical bills in your family? M.D.

Neuro Surgery. Staff only. Sorry, that took longer than I expected --- He has a lot of nerve!

Surgery / Canteen - The perplexities of priorites.

"We must be in the wrong wing."

'These are from my attorneys for malpractice suit.'

"I'm sending you to someone who's less squeamish."

Medical floor directory follows body parts.

"Here comes my doctor ... I know the click and clatter of his ID badges."

"I'll be blunt. You don't have much time. In three days I'm turning this over to a collection agency."

'It's going to take me ten hours to read your care instructions and your insurance only covers an hour of care.'

"Now, this is going to feel like I'm sticking my finger up your a*s."