Hospital Rounder Pillows

"I might be a one armed podiatrist... but if you lend me a hand... I'll fix your foot."

"Yeah, I know. bu tthe administration didn't want to appear culturally insensitive."

'We tend to favour more traditional anaesthetic techniques here.'

'Very funny!'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

Hospital Departments

"Okay, I've got lousy bedside manner, but I draw a smiley faces on all your prescriptions."

'Hey, this guy's been operated on before!'

'Two Aspirins'...'Brain Tumor'

Newspaper reads: 'Doctors not giving adequate info to patients'. Doctor asking patient, "Say eh??"

"Cardiac day patients?"

'Which arrow points to my office?'

'We've been told to get families more involved in patient care, he'll need a bath and lunch in about 30 minutes.'

"Don't just stand there gawping women! Give me a hand with my monthly salary!"

Hospital Visit

"No response doctor! The patient is sedated!"

'You're free to get a second opinion, but it looks like something's wrong with that green thingie by your liver.'

C'mon, Randall, cheer up....everybody dies.

Bob's Heart Valves 'N' Stuff (store is open)

'My patients are picking up so much medical knowledge through the media that I feel more like their consultant than their doctor.'

"Next time you want me to swallow a camera, just wrap it in bacon!"

"I'm sending you to someone who's less squeamish."

'These are from my attorneys for malpractice suit.'

"We must be in the wrong wing."

Surgery / Canteen - The perplexities of priorites.

Medical floor directory follows body parts.

'It's going to take me ten hours to read your care instructions and your insurance only covers an hour of care.'

"I'll be blunt. You don't have much time. In three days I'm turning this over to a collection agency."

"Here comes my doctor ... I know the click and clatter of his ID badges."

"Now, this is going to feel like I'm sticking my finger up your a*s."

"He did it again. Slipped out and replaced himself with a bunch of lumpy pillows."