Hospital Runner Pillows

Patient walking out of hospital.

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

Dancing Doctor

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

"Yeah, I know. bu tthe administration didn't want to appear culturally insensitive."

"I told him he should have trained more."

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

"Oh, oh, it seems they've had a little trouble with the hand-off in lane number three."

'What's holding him up?'

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

Women in a cross country race

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

"...we have a heart-lung-kidney-liver-spleen machine."

'The doctor will be with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'

Hospital Departments

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

"It appears your anus transplant has rejected you..."

"I'm sure he'll pull through. He's always been a real fighter."

Medical Examinations.

"Which one goes down his bronchial tract and which one goes up his arse?"

'...but besides this, how are you doing?'

"Dr. Eliot, would you let the dog out?"

'Very funny!'

'My mum drives me to school. She says it isn't safe to walk with all the cars.'

"You call all this a side effect?"

'Stress'

'I hate running in the outside lane.'

"First, do no harm. After that, go nuts."

Surgery has sign on wall saying 'To Err is Human.'

"They also left a pamphlet on the benefits of breast feeding."

'We're trying to use a team approach to medicine, but we're having trouble fitting everyone!'

'I would have come to you sooner, but you hadn't graduated from medical school yet.'