Hospital Runner Gifts

Patient walking out of hospital.

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

Dancing Doctor

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

"Yeah, I know. bu tthe administration didn't want to appear culturally insensitive."

"I told him he should have trained more."

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

"Oh, oh, it seems they've had a little trouble with the hand-off in lane number three."

'What's holding him up?'

Women in a cross country race

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

'The doctor will be with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'

"...we have a heart-lung-kidney-liver-spleen machine."

"I'm sure he'll pull through. He's always been a real fighter."

Hospital Departments

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

"It appears your anus transplant has rejected you..."

Medical Examinations.

"Which one goes down his bronchial tract and which one goes up his arse?"

'...but besides this, how are you doing?'

"Dr. Eliot, would you let the dog out?"

'My mum drives me to school. She says it isn't safe to walk with all the cars.'

'Very funny!'

'Stress'

'I hate running in the outside lane.'

"You call all this a side effect?"

"First, do no harm. After that, go nuts."

Surgery has sign on wall saying 'To Err is Human.'

"They also left a pamphlet on the benefits of breast feeding."

'We're trying to use a team approach to medicine, but we're having trouble fitting everyone!'

Push, push, push...