Hospital Havers T-Shirts

"Have you considered spinal fusion?"

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"Yeah, I know. bu tthe administration didn't want to appear culturally insensitive."

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

'If you could roll up your sleeves, go behind the screen and plaster the wall.'

"Okay, I've got lousy bedside manner, but I draw a smiley faces on all your prescriptions."

'It's the only way he'll take his medicine.'

Newspaper reads: 'Doctors not giving adequate info to patients'. Doctor asking patient, "Say eh??"

'Which arrow points to my office?'

"Don't just stand there gawping women! Give me a hand with my monthly salary!"

'We've been told to get families more involved in patient care, he'll need a bath and lunch in about 30 minutes.'

'I'm sorry, but I can't tell you which room the star basketball player is recovering in.'

The Children's Hospital

"When you awake you will feel fine, you will have no pain, and... Oh, what the hell... you will cluck like a chicken for ten seconds."

"It make syou kind of proud to be helping to build this giant new hospital doesn't it!!"

"No response doctor! The patient is sedated!"

Hospital Visit

'You're free to get a second opinion, but it looks like something's wrong with that green thingie by your liver.'

Elderly lady about elderly man: 'We met in ICU. We had a rheumatic encounter.'

Bob's Heart Valves 'N' Stuff (store is open)

'My patients are picking up so much medical knowledge through the media that I feel more like their consultant than their doctor.'

'Heroic stoicism has its rewards.'

'There's been a little mixup, Mr. Root. The computer has the virus not you.'

Surgery / Canteen - The perplexities of priorites.

'You want a second opinion? -- Oh, a big shot, eh?'

'These are from my attorneys for malpractice suit.'

"These NHS types are ALWAYS complaining about SOMETHING!"

"No, not 'delighted', the midwife is asking how 'dilated' you are!"

'Let's order one more MRI, just to play it safe.'