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'I know... crazy right? What are the odds of getting stung in both hands. . .'

"Will a local anesthesia work? I'm from out-of-town."

'I'm sorry, but I can't tell you which room the star basketball player is recovering in.'

Hospital Directory: You are supposed to be here.

"Mr. Simpson, a doctor type will see you now."

'My husband was recently admitted. Can you direct me to the hypochondria department?'

They're keeping me in for observation.

Unsuitable hospital reading material.

"Actually, what doesn't kill you just raises the cost of everyone's insurance"

Barbeque Casualty.

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

'Whatever it is, you've got it bad and that ain't good.'

Hospital Departments

Hospital.

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

"She's in room 334 but she's only allowed to see people who haven't annoyed her for 15 years."

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

'Admit it,you've been bothering the nurses again,haven't you?

Clinical Trails. . . Prevention . . . Detection. . . Diagnosis. . . Treatment.

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."

"Cardiac day patients?"

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

'Which arrow points to my office?'

Doctor sits near work boxes labelled; 'NHS' and 'Private'.

"These were taken on some of my favorite layovers."

'Don't start an argument - you know how you hate intravenous feeding.'

Elderly lady about elderly man: 'We met in ICU. We had a rheumatic encounter.'

'Only one side effect - colossal pain...'

A man's health care options.

'There's been a little mixup, Mr. Root. The computer has the virus not you.'

'The psychiatrist gives you 6 months to live - vicariously through other people.'

Surgical Operation.

''Why, I feel as light as a feather,' thought Shirley, 'I don't think I'll go on that diet, after all!'