Homekeeping Gifts

"I've told you, the bottom of the toaster is always full of bread crumbs..."

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

"I didn't spark joy."

'I used to do that, but it just grows again.'

Man using to much bug spray

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

Yardless: Please help

'They make remarkably clean pets.'

'Burying things is his version of spring cleaning.'

Housewife feeding her washing machine with a brief.

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

'You'll never believe the day I've had...'

A DIY disaster.

"It's a smart hamper that sucks up clothes. My mom claims I leave my clothes on the floor, so she has it follow me wherever I go."

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

'Our Filipino dog's a real treasure.'

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

"I had to skip my workout."

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

"It's not the paranormal activity that bothers me so much as the passive aggression."

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Musical Accompaniment to Household Chores.

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

"The trees are laughing at us."

Bathroom Fairy

Washing Line Walker

'It comes with three settings. Single, Married, and Children.'

"Next time don't use a herbed vinegar."

Cook and her Maids