Home Keeping Gifts

'I knew I should have married Peter Polyestertail!'

Domestic Superheroes!!

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

Dog Walking Services

"I didn't spark joy."

Biofelineism

Hungry child

'I used to do that, but it just grows again.'

When laundry ruled the waves.

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

Martha Stewart Takes Over The Universe

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

Yardless: Please help

Man using to much bug spray

'They make remarkably clean pets.'

Housewife feeding her washing machine with a brief.

'Burying things is his version of spring cleaning.'

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

A DIY disaster.

"Really! How many 'How to Survive the Festive Season' articles does one man need?"

"It's a smart hamper that sucks up clothes. My mom claims I leave my clothes on the floor, so she has it follow me wherever I go."

'You'll never believe the day I've had...'

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

'Our Filipino dog's a real treasure.'

'Rabbits make great pets, but it's best to have them one at a time.'

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

"I had to skip my workout."

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

Musical Accompaniment to Household Chores.

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."