Kitchen Keeper Gifts

"My God!!..Just how long have we had this Broccoli hiding in the back of the fridge?"

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

"I didn't spark joy."

Allotment

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

'They make remarkably clean pets.'

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

Housewife feeding her washing machine with a brief.

'You'll never believe the day I've had...'

"It's a smart hamper that sucks up clothes. My mom claims I leave my clothes on the floor, so she has it follow me wherever I go."

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

"I had to skip my workout."

"What time did you say you wanted me to start drinking?"

"It's time you took a vacation, John. I said to 'marinate'... not 'palpate' the liver!"

Musical Accompaniment to Household Chores.

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

"This is your new solar powered dryer?"

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

The dress uniform of the Catering Corps

"OK, duty roster for today: Ken is to scout for entrees, Tim for mains and of course, Tina for desserts..."

Cook and her Maids

'It comes with three settings. Single, Married, and Children.'

Bathroom Fairy

Kiss the Commander in Chef

"Next time don't use a herbed vinegar."

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

'It started out as just a little knot on the floor,'

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

The household cavalry

A chef teaches a classroom of other chefs how to properly flip something using a spatula.

TV and cleaner

"Since we installed the video surveillance system we're losing fewer socks."