Kitchen Keeper Pillows

"My God!!..Just how long have we had this Broccoli hiding in the back of the fridge?"

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

Allotment

"I didn't spark joy."

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

'They make remarkably clean pets.'

Housewife feeding her washing machine with a brief.

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

"It's a smart hamper that sucks up clothes. My mom claims I leave my clothes on the floor, so she has it follow me wherever I go."

'You'll never believe the day I've had...'

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

"I had to skip my workout."

"What time did you say you wanted me to start drinking?"

"It's time you took a vacation, John. I said to 'marinate'... not 'palpate' the liver!"

Musical Accompaniment to Household Chores.

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

"OK, duty roster for today: Ken is to scout for entrees, Tim for mains and of course, Tina for desserts..."

"Next time don't use a herbed vinegar."

Cook and her Maids

This is the last time I ask Peterson to dust for prints.

But does he dust anything at our home? Noooo

The dress uniform of the Catering Corps

'It comes with three settings. Single, Married, and Children.'

Bathroom Fairy

"Have you been using 'Vanish' again?"

"This is your new solar powered dryer?"

Kiss the Commander in Chef

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

'It started out as just a little knot on the floor,'

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

The household cavalry

"Like you, I was lost...then I found Jesus!"

A chef teaches a classroom of other chefs how to properly flip something using a spatula.

I'm organizing the house. Can I help? Do you have any storage bins for stuff we don't use very often? Hold on. I have just the thing! Thanks, mom.