Homekeeping Pillows

"I've told you, the bottom of the toaster is always full of bread crumbs..."

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

"I didn't spark joy."

'I used to do that, but it just grows again.'

Man using to much bug spray

Yardless: Please help

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

'They make remarkably clean pets.'

'Burying things is his version of spring cleaning.'

Housewife feeding her washing machine with a brief.

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

'You'll never believe the day I've had...'

"It's a smart hamper that sucks up clothes. My mom claims I leave my clothes on the floor, so she has it follow me wherever I go."

A DIY disaster.

"I had to skip my workout."

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

'Our Filipino dog's a real treasure.'

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

"It's not the paranormal activity that bothers me so much as the passive aggression."

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

Musical Accompaniment to Household Chores.

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

This is the last time I ask Peterson to dust for prints.

"The trees are laughing at us."

Washing Line Walker

"Next time don't use a herbed vinegar."

Bathroom Fairy

"Have you been using 'Vanish' again?"

Ernie likes to fix things around the house. Just today he's fixed two sandwiches, three sundaes, and some microwave brownies.

'It comes with three settings. Single, Married, and Children.'

Cook and her Maids