Kitchen Caretaker Gifts

"Since you have a complete record of my life, could you tell me if I remembered to turn the stove off?"

Allotment

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

"Mommy's going to teach you how to make a hamburger."

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

"It's time you took a vacation, John. I said to 'marinate'... not 'palpate' the liver!"

'They sure have small litters.'

Juniors Baby Sitting Service.

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

"My God!!..Just how long have we had this Broccoli hiding in the back of the fridge?"

Lady taking her Cochin chickens for a walk.

The secret lives of household things.

Dog Food

Boys Cooking

My Bowl Is Empty.

"Relax - it's just for a few days until they find a place of their own."

"With Tia Carmen's chickens, we'll get twice as much candy!"

Chef: 'Howz that Octopus coming along Jeff?'

"He says he can quit anytime, but I'm starting to worry."

'In ancient Egypt, cats were treated like gods and in this house, it's pretty much the same: Come in friend...'

"Tom, did you forget to feed the pets tonight?"

"Yes, it is a beautiful day but what makes you think you can go outside and play?"

'A tiny kitchen, one cook, and great food...I don't know how they do it.'

'Word to the wise: Always check the cheese for pills.'

'This is taking too long - we'll have to induce hatching.'

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

Get me a bottle of house white. I need to clean the stainless steel surfaces.

A chef uses a giant utensil to chop a tiny sausage.

'Tootsie-pie is going to be spaded, just like Mother.'