Hockey Humorist Gifts

'Trust me, it's the only way if you want your insurance to cover it.'

'Your hands are so smooth. Do you use skin softener?'

Slippery Hockey Game

Ice croquet.

"Use a hockey stick – make it look like a game."

'Squash him.'

'It sure is hot in the arena tonight!'

'Can't we have just one conversation without you getting so defensive'

'Man, that new guy is nothing but a thug!'

'It started as just as skirmish, your majesty, and suddenly escalated into a hockey game!'

'Stop saying that! There is no 'warm and fuzzy' in hockey!'

Teacher to student: 'Ah - your hockey report! Did you cross-check your references?'

"This is a tough hockey league. I'm just the team's webmaster."

"Now kiss and make up."

"Hockey players no longer fight. They feel saying mean things about each other on social media hurts more."

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Punt Cake

Football Chameleon

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

Gary turns 40.

Alternative fielding positions

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Trojan Hurdler.

'I reckon we need a new sweeper.'

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

'Sean Connery was the best James Bond!'

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

"Whaddya want for nineteen mil?"

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

Small country advertisng at the Olympics

"Before we begin. . . terms and conditions. . ."