Ice Skating Humorist Gifts

Self-Propelled Skating Gadget

The rocket powered skiier

'My goodness,Ralph,let him have it.It's only a measly old meal worm.'

Rude Snowpeople

Shaved Ice

Gym. Instructor. Why do you want to learn kickboxing? I've always wanted to win a fight hands down!

The Hockey Puckey

Titanic iceberg auction

'New rule. From now on you don't just sit in the penalty box. You also get a root canal.'

"Still getting those hot flashes, Margaret?"

'Geez, Dad! You never scream your lungs out at the refs! Don't you love me?!'

"Whoa. How deep is that powder?" "You'll have to ask my wife. I'm standing on her shoulders."

Emergency Room: 'Quick! Get some ice on this injury.'

"This one is called 'Essence of Hockey Bag.'"

'Okay, but for future reference; We never grit the ice in here.'

His Other Shtick

The Pole Vault Washing Line

'Eton Football (By Dumb-Crambo Junior.)'

'It's internal. Probably one of his stomachs...'

T-Rex Ski Jump Fail

Sales chart shows sales going downhill.

'Trust me, it's the only way if you want your insurance to cover it.'

The real reason the Chinese emperor built the great wall.

On this date: Overly enthused and attending an NHL game en masse, the National Parole Board exceeds its mandate.

"Hockey players no longer fight. They feel saying mean things about each other on social media hurts more."

'It sure is hot in the arena tonight!'

'Apparently he does 20 yards to the pint.'

Hockey Pairs Skaters.

Porters carry a sedan chair up a ski slope

"This is a tough hockey league. I'm just the team's webmaster."

'Man, that new guy is nothing but a thug!'

'Can't we have just one conversation without you getting so defensive'

"He should've passed the puck."

The freezer broke at the hockey rink last night. By the end of the game there was seven feet of water! They must have taken out the first string and put in the subs!

"Use a hockey stick – make it look like a game."