Hilarious Couch Potato Pillows

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what is good on Netflix.

Oh, the usual. They're watching 'American Idol' and I'm watching Americans idle.

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

Grass saying: mow me/feed me/weed me/roll me.

"Business has picked up since we introduced short term cryogenic stays for the football off season."

"I hardly think you can call waiting for updates to install doing nothing!!"

"You know, dear, planting your base in a chair and eating chicken is not 'plant-based' eating."

I got a throw blanket and a throw pillow to accent my throw cat and throw husband.

'Remember, your father may be here physically, but mentally he's attending the NCAA tournament.'

'I wish you'd hurry and decide which film you're going to sleep through.'

'Flipping the remote and clicking the mouse are his low-impact aerobics.'

You're only as old as you feel!

'This is my favorite machine in the gym.'

'Here, you can have my fly trap.I already have one.'

"I'm afraid that walking to the refrigerator 5 or 6 times a day does not count as exercise."

'May I tidy up the infield?'

The "staring back at you" channel

"The cat's sleeping." "She's so comfy." "If I move I'll wake her up." "The phone is ringing... They'll call back later." "I'm hungry... But it'll pass." "Just gotta wait 'till she wakes up."

"It's amazing! A couple of inches of snow and the whole country grinds to a halt!"

"It's lunchtime! Have you finished saying 'Good Morning' on your WhatsApp Groups?"

"This isn't what the doctor meant when he recommended adopting a Mediterranean diet."

'Are you sure sitting on a bean bag chair isn't considered getting a daily requirement of vegetables?'

Success Without Effort

"If you really loved me, you'd give me the remote."

"Moving to a chair to eat three times a day really isn't 'doing sit-ups!'"

"There's no use in hiding. The smart treadmill knows you're home. You might as well go get your workout clothes on."

"I thought you were getting into shape for hunting season."

Brenda tests to see if Karl can truly handle the low points of living together.

'I swear Marge! If that little punk comes back in here and pushes all them buttons again, i'm gonna kill him!' - Life in the elevator.

'You'd be good at yoga. The first thing you do is empty your mind.'

"I need a companion."

"No, Fred didn't run a TV marathon - He watched a marathon on TV."

"Being a lazy slob is part of my identity. Keep on nagging and I'll report you to our diversity officer!"