Comedic Couch Potato Pillows

"My physical therapist says this is the worst possible position you can lie in."

"This could be a job for....Slothman. Nahhh."

"Being a lazy slob is part of my identity. Keep on nagging and I'll report you to our diversity officer!"

"This isn't what the doctor meant when he recommended adopting a Mediterranean diet."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"He's got no clue how easy he has it compared to his ancestors."

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

Bowled over again!

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

Where the Appalachian Trail Crosses the Path of Least Resistance

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

"Well, the remote's not dowmn the back of the couch."

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

'It's midnight, do you know where your brain is?'

"I'd go with you, but I'm a non-sporting breed."

Love is when you watch television together.

'The anger management is working... tonight there were fewer veins popping.'

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

"Clive used to be an astronaut."

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

"Er...nothing much has happened yet today...."

'Och lye the news'

''Food miles' is a big issue, so I'm reducing the distance my food travels by moving my fridge into the living room.'

Succession 2

"You are still here."

'And I want that end table for $40...' When bargain hunters crack.

Tunnel of TV

'The program is stupid, primitive, embarrassing, and boring. I want to buy a new telly.'

"Would you get me a beer from the refrigerator? Just grab one of the cans on the top shelf. Come on, I do so much for you—all these years, the walks, the food, the chases... Come on! Never mind."

"Blood pressure 210/140. Heart rate 185. Steps taken 29. Sedentary 9.5 hours. Calories burned 19. You da man! Oh, and you're out of pork rinds." "Our classics TV marathon featuring 'Gunsmoke' will continue after..." "The unfitbit"

'Football...Beer...Popcorn...that is Bernie's Stimulus Package.'