Couch Potato's Laugh Pillows

Must Flee TV

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

"I'll be glad when the television is fixed."

Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what is good on Netflix.

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

'I don't care how comfortable you feel with me. This reels weird for a first date.'

Oh, the usual. They're watching 'American Idol' and I'm watching Americans idle.

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

It's hammerhead time

'Look! A rock hard body in 90 days!'

Campaign 2016

"I hardly think you can call waiting for updates to install doing nothing!!"

"You know, dear, planting your base in a chair and eating chicken is not 'plant-based' eating."

'Remember, your father may be here physically, but mentally he's attending the NCAA tournament.'

'Flipping the remote and clicking the mouse are his low-impact aerobics.'

'Here, you can have my fly trap.I already have one.'

'This is my favorite machine in the gym.'

"I'm afraid that walking to the refrigerator 5 or 6 times a day does not count as exercise."

'May I tidy up the infield?'

The "staring back at you" channel

"It's lunchtime! Have you finished saying 'Good Morning' on your WhatsApp Groups?"

T-Shirts. Just do it. Just watch it.

'Are you sure sitting on a bean bag chair isn't considered getting a daily requirement of vegetables?'

"If you really loved me, you'd give me the remote."

Success Without Effort

'You'd be good at yoga. The first thing you do is empty your mind.'

'I swear Marge! If that little punk comes back in here and pushes all them buttons again, i'm gonna kill him!' - Life in the elevator.

"Moving to a chair to eat three times a day really isn't 'doing sit-ups!'"

"I need a companion."

"No, Fred didn't run a TV marathon - He watched a marathon on TV."

"He's told them many a time, not to let defenders shoot, but do they take any notice. . ?"

'Tommy move, I can't see the screen.'

"I thought you were getting into shape for hunting season."

Brenda tests to see if Karl can truly handle the low points of living together.

"There's no use in hiding. The smart treadmill knows you're home. You might as well go get your workout clothes on."