Couch Potato Comedy Pillows

Wife leaving home takes TV set instead of suitcase.

'Tommy move, I can't see the screen.'

'Happy Xmas!'

"Right now Arnold Schwarzenegger is doing sit-ups."

"I'll be glad when the television is fixed."

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

"They remove people who have become 'jammed in armchairs' due to COVID 19 lockdown!"

Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what is good on Netflix.

'I don't care how comfortable you feel with me. This reels weird for a first date.'

"I have a job! I'm an 'I reporter!'"

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

Oh, the usual. They're watching 'American Idol' and I'm watching Americans idle.

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

Campaign 2016

It's hammerhead time

'It's really nice up here, but I miss all the negative political ads.'

"I hardly think you can call waiting for updates to install doing nothing!!"

"You know, dear, planting your base in a chair and eating chicken is not 'plant-based' eating."

"He likes spending time with his grandpa. Thanks to poor diet and little exercise, they share many of the same health issues."

'Remember, your father may be here physically, but mentally he's attending the NCAA tournament.'

'Flipping the remote and clicking the mouse are his low-impact aerobics.'

'Here, you can have my fly trap.I already have one.'

'This is my favorite machine in the gym.'

"It's lunchtime! Have you finished saying 'Good Morning' on your WhatsApp Groups?"

The "staring back at you" channel

"This isn't what the doctor meant when he recommended adopting a Mediterranean diet."

'May I tidy up the infield?'

"I'm afraid that walking to the refrigerator 5 or 6 times a day does not count as exercise."

T-Shirts. Just do it. Just watch it.

'Are you sure sitting on a bean bag chair isn't considered getting a daily requirement of vegetables?'

"If you really loved me, you'd give me the remote."

Success Without Effort

"There's no use in hiding. The smart treadmill knows you're home. You might as well go get your workout clothes on."

'I swear Marge! If that little punk comes back in here and pushes all them buttons again, i'm gonna kill him!' - Life in the elevator.

"No, Fred didn't run a TV marathon - He watched a marathon on TV."