Humor-loving Couch Potato Pillows

'This is my favorite machine in the gym.'

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

Couch Potatoes

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

"Business has picked up since we introduced short term cryogenic stays for the football off season."

'The Cup Final's just starting-think I should wake him?'

"I hardly think you can call waiting for updates to install doing nothing!!"

"Bird of paradise, my ass."

'I wish you'd hurry and decide which film you're going to sleep through.'

'Remember, your father may be here physically, but mentally he's attending the NCAA tournament.'

"You know, dear, planting your base in a chair and eating chicken is not 'plant-based' eating."

"The doctor wants me to exercise more, so I need you to lift my feet even more when you're not vacuuming."

'Flipping the remote and clicking the mouse are his low-impact aerobics.'

You're only as old as you feel!

'Here, you can have my fly trap.I already have one.'

"What's on the Bear Channel?"

"The cat's sleeping." "She's so comfy." "If I move I'll wake her up." "The phone is ringing... They'll call back later." "I'm hungry... But it'll pass." "Just gotta wait 'till she wakes up."

"We're watching your side of the room with growing fascination."

"It's lunchtime! Have you finished saying 'Good Morning' on your WhatsApp Groups?"

"This isn't what the doctor meant when he recommended adopting a Mediterranean diet."

"It's amazing! A couple of inches of snow and the whole country grinds to a halt!"

The "staring back at you" channel

"I'm afraid that walking to the refrigerator 5 or 6 times a day does not count as exercise."

'May I tidy up the infield?'

'Are you sure sitting on a bean bag chair isn't considered getting a daily requirement of vegetables?'

Success Without Effort

"If you really loved me, you'd give me the remote."

"No, Fred didn't run a TV marathon - He watched a marathon on TV."

"Being a lazy slob is part of my identity. Keep on nagging and I'll report you to our diversity officer!"

'I swear Marge! If that little punk comes back in here and pushes all them buttons again, i'm gonna kill him!' - Life in the elevator.