Humor-loving Couch Potato Gifts

'This is my favorite machine in the gym.'

'I met him on a Monday and my heart stood still (would you believe?)')

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what is good on Netflix.

Couch Potatoes

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

Oh, the usual. They're watching 'American Idol' and I'm watching Americans idle.

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

"Alexa, tell me ways I can be less of a lazy slob who won't get up to turn off the lights."

'The Cup Final's just starting-think I should wake him?'

"Business has picked up since we introduced short term cryogenic stays for the football off season."

"I hardly think you can call waiting for updates to install doing nothing!!"

"You know, dear, planting your base in a chair and eating chicken is not 'plant-based' eating."

'Remember, your father may be here physically, but mentally he's attending the NCAA tournament.'

'I wish you'd hurry and decide which film you're going to sleep through.'

"Bird of paradise, my ass."

"The doctor wants me to exercise more, so I need you to lift my feet even more when you're not vacuuming."

I got a throw blanket and a throw pillow to accent my throw cat and throw husband.

'Flipping the remote and clicking the mouse are his low-impact aerobics.'

'Here, you can have my fly trap.I already have one.'

You're only as old as you feel!

"It's amazing! A couple of inches of snow and the whole country grinds to a halt!"

"We're watching your side of the room with growing fascination."

The "staring back at you" channel

"I'm afraid that walking to the refrigerator 5 or 6 times a day does not count as exercise."

"The cat's sleeping." "She's so comfy." "If I move I'll wake her up." "The phone is ringing... They'll call back later." "I'm hungry... But it'll pass." "Just gotta wait 'till she wakes up."

"What's on the Bear Channel?"

'May I tidy up the infield?'

"It's lunchtime! Have you finished saying 'Good Morning' on your WhatsApp Groups?"

"This isn't what the doctor meant when he recommended adopting a Mediterranean diet."

'Are you sure sitting on a bean bag chair isn't considered getting a daily requirement of vegetables?'

Success Without Effort

"If you really loved me, you'd give me the remote."

'I don't know.'

"Being a lazy slob is part of my identity. Keep on nagging and I'll report you to our diversity officer!"