Health Food Hater Gifts

'The pilgrim kids had corn pudding. We have pumpkin pie. I guess parents have always tried to pass vegetables off as dessert.'

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

"Only 35% CACAO? I'll have to eat TWICE as much then!"

Gullib-Os

The Nihilist Deli.

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

'As if school lunches weren't bad enough. Now, they have to be nutritious!'

I assure you the animals didn't suffer. All of our meat comes from animals who died naturally of old age while vacationing in Miami.

Friendly bacteria

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

Portrait sweating above a fireplace

"If medical science wants to be really relevant, it would find a way to let me eat all the bacon I want!"

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

"I enjoy eating healthy – I just don’t like the food."

'And since this product consists of 100% artificial ingredients, we can truthfully say it's vegan!'

"I guess that pretty well debunks the fruits and vegetables are good for you myth."

'It says all the chemical ingredients in this food were made by organic, free range scientists.'

'Eating several servings of vegetables everyday is very good, as long as they aren't just pizza toppings.'

'They're building one of those new health clubs.'

'Organically-grown popcorn? Give me a break!'

"Is this because I didn’t eat my kale?"

Motor-blender.

'VEGETARIAN ZOMBIES' colour

"I find if I say we're having hashtag broccoli or hastag brussel sprouts, they are more apt to eat them."

"Can I substitute saltwater taffy for the five servings of seafood?"

"Listen Matt, me and the boys think you might be overdoing this Paleo diet thing!"

"Oh, I do a little grass on occasion, but I avoid the heavy cruciferous greens."

'Boy! Did I get some bad news today! I found out french fries is a veg'table!'

"Your diet's fine, but maybe cut back on the seeds."

'Keep arguing about eating you spinach and Mummy won't be able to guarantee your health and safety.'

"I eat guys like you for breakfast! Well, I USED to, until I realized how pathetically low you are in omega-3 fatty acids!"