Foodie Who Hates Diets Gifts

"If medical science wants to be really relevant, it would find a way to let me eat all the bacon I want!"

Counting ribs

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

'Your blood pressure is extremely high - your resistance to things that cause it, extremely low!'

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

Pizza with Extra Extra Cheese.

A convenient attack of swine flu...

'Real hungry? Should be, 'Really hungry.' Adjectives take adverbs.'

'The Ailing Matisse tries cutting out meat and dairy products.'

Too many cooks also spoil the movie.

"I'm taking you off two of the four food groups."

'Do you have a traditional Christmas dinner, but for a lacto-vegan fruitarian?'

Restaurant: Come & Get It! Bland Cuisine - 'Just plain food, good, but nothing fancy.'

Cutlery store: Big Sale! Everything slashed!

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

"That banquet was most delicious, and yet now, somehow, once again I feel the pang of hunger.'

'This is quite common. You've eaten so many sausages that you've turned into one.'

"I want proof that I even need that much iron before I go eating all that spinach."

Cook spills food and has to open a can (tin).

'Three, two, one. Stand clear.'

"I was the first one to work completely gluten free."

A waiter warning the cook about certain customers

Restaurant scene; diners are shown kneeling in reverence at their tables.

'I went home the other day and smelt a delicious meal cooking in the kitchen... then I realized I'd gone to the wrong house!'

"Back inside, Bernie! The buffet is full of shrimp, pork and ham!"

"No, thank you. I'd prefer seeing a menu from the restaurant across the street."

"If they don't like the food, try to explain to them how hard it is to cook really good food."

'Decisions, decisions!'

Capturing a Cook

'Whatever fast food - fried stuff, fat, sugar, salt for the 'Doesn't Bother Me' person'.

"I have four stomachs and one of them always seems to be hungry.''

"Sorry for the delay - I had to finish de-boning your meatloaf."