Foodie With Restrictions Gifts

"I was the first one to work completely gluten free."

"Back inside, Bernie! The buffet is full of shrimp, pork and ham!"

"I asked for something gluten-free, dairy-free and meat-free and he brought me a glass of water."

"I'm taking you off two of the four food groups."

'Do you have another menu of what I can have?'

She's just discovered her irritable bowel syndrome isn't caused by chocolate!

'Your blood pressure is extremely high - your resistance to things that cause it, extremely low!'

Dieting Motivation.

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

'The Ailing Matisse tries cutting out meat and dairy products.'

"If medical science wants to be really relevant, it would find a way to let me eat all the bacon I want!"

'Do you have a traditional Christmas dinner, but for a lacto-vegan fruitarian?'

'Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday you like beans, now you don't like beans.'

"It was a cold night, like tonight, back, I'd say, in 1954."

"I want proof that I even need that much iron before I go eating all that spinach."

'...And when it registers over 140 pounds, it automatically triggers the refrigerator lock.'

'Face it, 24 hour grocery stores were made for people like us.'

"I used to be a foodie. Now I'm a fussy glutton."

'Oh I can't stay here, i'm allergic to shell fish.'

Supermarket Aisles.

A little green pepper means 'vegetarian." A little red heart means "heart healthy." And a little skull and crossbones means "I really shouldn't , but

'You can eat, but you must never again drink and be merry.'

'My wife has me on a very strict diet so I need a safe place to store my binge foods.'

'Of course, I love you, Debbie... but I'm too young to be tied down to one refrigerator!'

"I never thought I'd be saying this, but I'd like some hospital food."

The Sprats

'Sorry to keep asking, but are you sure you prepared mine separately?'

'What's our offence? We've been on bread and water for 40 minutes.'

'Sorry to keep you waiting.'

'I don't think it's so much my inability to lose weight as it is my ability to find it.'

'Let's see...we've taken you off smoking, drinking and rich food. What else do you enjoy?'

'Would you like the low-carb, gluten-free, or the hell, bring-it-on section?'

"Will you be dining with others tonight, or just the company of your smartphone?"

"Sorry, dear. I couldn't find a gluten or lactose-free sugarless non-GMO raw-vegan birthday cake..." "Tell me that's a nutless mulch muffin."

'Push away from the food, good...'