Nutrition Nay-sayer Gifts

"My doctor said I needed to go on a diet. . . Yes, to a new doctor!"

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

You are what you eat (Nuts).

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

Now all meals contain 'Enzymate' for fast digestion.'

'The Werewolf Diet? It's great: you can eat anything you want, but only during the full moon.'

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

Complex Carbs

"Management would like you to keep in mind that the latest research indicates that everything on our 'Healthy Menu' is now unhealthy."

"Oh, I do a little grass on occasion, but I avoid the heavy cruciferous greens."

'Do you want flies with that?'

'Another upsetting discovery from the world of nutrition: New studies indicate that the air itself is fattening...'

Energy Drinks

'The start of the Premiership and the return of Match of the Day - there goes his Aitkins diet....'

Studies show some foods work miracles/study says studies are a crock.

'The pilgrim kids had corn pudding. We have pumpkin pie. I guess parents have always tried to pass vegetables off as dessert.'

'Not another Doctor Who spin off!?'

'I'm trying a beer diet: lager for breakfast, bock for lunch, and IPA for dinner. So far, I'm losing 2 days per week.'

Lady in supermarket dilema between good food or bad.

'Notice: results of new studies: most of what was good for you is bad for you - most of what was bad for you is good for you'

'I'm not eating it, not if it's been genetically modified.'

"I work out so I don't have to eat kale."

"Hunter, gatherer, we don't really care, as long as it's healthy."

'It's ten o'clock. Do you know where your willpower is?'

"This paleo diet is a lot of work. Maybe we should eat grains."

'These pills are out BEST sellers. I guarantee you'll lose 50 pounds as soon as you pay me.'

'This is from our diet menu. We replaced the starchy bun with two deep fried fish filets!'