Nutrition Naysayer Gifts

'Frankly, I don't have much confidence in his diet book, either.'

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

You are what you eat (Nuts).

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

Now all meals contain 'Enzymate' for fast digestion.'

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

"Management would like you to keep in mind that the latest research indicates that everything on our 'Healthy Menu' is now unhealthy."

"Oh, I do a little grass on occasion, but I avoid the heavy cruciferous greens."

'Do you want flies with that?'

Energy Drinks

'Another upsetting discovery from the world of nutrition: New studies indicate that the air itself is fattening...'

'The pilgrim kids had corn pudding. We have pumpkin pie. I guess parents have always tried to pass vegetables off as dessert.'

Studies show some foods work miracles/study says studies are a crock.

Lady in supermarket dilema between good food or bad.

'Notice: results of new studies: most of what was good for you is bad for you - most of what was bad for you is good for you'

"My doctor said I needed to go on a diet. . . Yes, to a new doctor!"

"I work out so I don't have to eat kale."

"Hunter, gatherer, we don't really care, as long as it's healthy."

'This is from our diet menu. We replaced the starchy bun with two deep fried fish filets!'

'I like the property - but I'm rather worried about the sugar content.'

'These pills are out BEST sellers. I guarantee you'll lose 50 pounds as soon as you pay me.'

'I've got the 'fat bastard' gene.'

Why we always fail.

"In health news, everything you thought was good for you is now bad for you."

'Remember when we went to the movies to escape?'

'....I read somewhere that consuming raw flesh could be bad for your health. And given our current state of decomposition, this may not be such a good idea.'

"The only problem with these free meals is that we're getting too many carbohydrates!"

Food Pyramid. When you think about it, eating "refined sugar" should make you sophisticated and sweet.

'Go ahead and have another candy bar. Adults say they want us to lose weight, but they're always trying to hide behind us. This will make it easier for them.'

21st Century Nursery Rhymes Redux. Little Miss Muffet Sat on a tuffet Eating her whey and curd. Along came a spider Who began to chide her For a diet he deemed absurd. Let me eat what I want. Your carb/fiber balance is way off. You need more protein. And flies. It's your life, but I'd see a nutritionist.

'...Sodium phosphate, di-glycerides, BHT. Warning: The Surgeon General has determined that eating is dangerous to your health.'