Nutrition Skeptic Gifts

Why we always fail.

"In health news, everything you thought was good for you is now bad for you."

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

'Is it high fibre? Are you kidding me? Of course it's high fibre...Eat the stick!'

Studies show some foods work miracles/study says studies are a crock.

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

Food Pyramid. When you think about it, eating "refined sugar" should make you sophisticated and sweet.

For years I believed I was on a military diet. Now I find out that Colonel Sanders wasn't actually a military man. !

'This has no fat, no carbohydrates, no sugar, no ribolflavin... hey this box is empty!'

Now all meals contain 'Enzymate' for fast digestion.'

Center for the study of why everything you thought was good for you, is now bad for you.

'Someday we'll look back at this as the golden age of childhood obesity.'

'Another upsetting discovery from the world of nutrition: New studies indicate that the air itself is fattening...'

Energy Drinks

"Management would like you to keep in mind that the latest research indicates that everything on our 'Healthy Menu' is now unhealthy."

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

Gullib-Os

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

'Who cares about content? With a title like this it'll sell millions!'

'Too much Omega 3.'

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

Attack of the 'health' foods

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."